It is time to end thesilence once and for all

Right now nothing seems like a giftabout this scandal, but we can still pull something positive from it. It is time to end thesilence once and for all.My biggest concern from the momentthis story started airing was what it was doing to all of the men and boysacross the country — and even the world — who suffer from undiagnosed anduntreated trauma, especially those who have been sexually abused.This article will be an important on toremember as you gather this season with your friends and family for all of themen in you life, or yourself. Find anexpert or someone in recovery to offer coaching on how to have the conversationor who can even be present with you as you have the conversation. However, while the flurry of 24-7 news stories on the scandal hasdecreased dramatically, there will no doubt be another deluge of stories withthe most salacious and graphic details once the actual court case getsunderway. Acknowledge the hard work of men'srecovery from addiction if he has gone through it.This article may not have thefestive cheer I would hope for this time of year.Help himget help. And just this past week, two more men came forward accusing Mr.Sandusky of sexual abuse.Many of these men have norecollection that they have had such traumatic experiences.

This posting is not about Sanduskyat all. The secrets keep the sickness alive, lead toaddictions, and destroy the individual from the inside. Sandusky, as it is only allegedat this time (though there is a very compelling grand jury report,) issaid to have sexually abused numerous young boys over multiple decades. Do everything you can to see the strength and courage it takes to gethelp and reinforce that message to him.It is not some aberrant behavior of an aberrant population. How many men were being triggered – and acting out inany number of ways as a result of the blast of coverage? It is hard to Fine Mist Sprayer say whatthe true statistics are but I am confident that the majority of the estimated percentages for boys' childhood sexual abuseare a far cry from the actual number of boys and young men who are carryingaround the horrible scars of sexual abuse. Men can have so many barriers— many of which hit them at the core of their being and their masculinity — to seekinghelp. While the Catholic clergy scandals may have opened the door, the fact that this most recent scandal took place in thedomain of one of our country's most hallowed masculine religions blows the doorwide open — it shows that abuse and experiencing abuse are not about strength. We have thispervasive disparaging opinion about boys and men who suffer abuse and honestlyexpress how it has affected them as weak and whining.)

By now, everyone has heard about theegregious behavior and massive cover-up at Penn State involving the beloved JoePaterno and his heir apparent, Jerry Sandusky. Unfortunately my mind has been occupied andmy heart heavy with the news of scandal at Penn State. And, as I have stated many times, when men suffer we tend totake our suffering out on others. A tragedy like this creates an opening forboys and men to be better able to talk about any and all kinds of abuse, and thatis undeniably something very good.Watch the Oprah Winfrey episode from earlier this year where two hundred mencame forward about being sexually abused while their loved ones, many of whomnever knew, were in another room listening and watching. Right now let's make sure that men and their familiesare safe and supported in the midst of the discordance. Secrets make men's recovery from addiction and abuse even more difficult. That keeps a lot of men —especially those men regarded as ‘macho'”— silent and stuck in their suffering.

Here are five ways to support a man who has suffered abuse in the past:

· Help him find a forum for him to talk about it in a way that is safe for him, ideally with other men who have had similar experiences.

· If he is showing signs of problematic use of alcohol and other drugs, talk to him directly. Abuse can happen to anyone, it can be perpetrated by anyone, and it is more than likely happening all over the world right now. Here are some of the different ways men could be affected:

· Increased use of alcohol or other drugs

· Relapse (back into active addiction– substance, sex, gambling, etc. This posting is not about whether San dusky is guilty — I will let a court of law determine that and pray to God that justice is served